From Codependency into Co-Commitment

“Learning that I have the choice to see challenging life situations through a both/and lens has quite literally changed my life. It has helped me dissolve old hurts, forgive myself and others, and lean into a way of being that is at peace with paradox. ”

— Selena O.

Codependency is a dead end

Many of us realize codependency sabotages our relationships but struggle with day-to-day awareness and choice-making.

Codependency comes with a top down either-or view of reality which people fight to retain in order to establish power over others.

Codependency can also be sneaky and often expresses itself as a prescribed roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

Fear, judgement, blame and guilt fuel these roles. Narcissism runs rampant.

Once you’re in a conflict world, people cycle through each role. And like like ring around the rosy, ashes to ashes, we all fall down.

Some signs of codependency:

  • You feel stuck in a painful relationship dynamic and yet you can’t speak up or make effective changes.

  • You think you know best, most people are idiots and everyone would be better off with you in charge.

  • You’re someone who puts everyone else’s needs first, often leaving you exhausted and resentful.

There is another way: The Triangles.

About 20 years ago while I was in training with the Center for Sacred Studies, an ongoing community-wide conversation began about how to transform conflict.

From there, a paradigm shifting tool emerged called The Triangles.

Over the years, with permission, I began teaching and writing about a specific aspect of The Triangles — a map and guide for shifting power-over conflict to embody a power-with co-commitment way of life.

A blue graphic describes “Codependency Triangle”

An Empowering Practice & Support Circle

As the pandemic took hold in 2020, in response to how sheltering in place was revealing codependent cracks with ourselves and loved ones, I created a virtual support circle.

Weaving together personal sharing with facilitated support and guided imagery practices, the connection was so profound that the group lasted 5 months instead of 2 ½.

“I joined the circle feeling trapped and frustrated in my marriage. I was in a destructive and depressing pattern of feeling overwhelmed and stuck. Being in the group and hearing everyone share provided a space to learn and see firsthand how we might shift our perspective and embrace new thinking, consciousness, choice.

The triangles provided a powerful tool for transformation. Staci skillfully listened and witnessed our stories and feelings, holding us in love, strength, wisdom and clarity. The guided visualizations helped us build a bridge to new ways of being, activated by awareness and choice.

Today, with practice, I am breathing in more joy, honesty, connection, love and compassion. I am healing my past and my relationship with myself and others.” Teresa B.

Currently, The Co-Commitment Support & Practice Group is closed.

Until we re-open, you’re welcome to contact me for individual or couples sessions focusing on the Triangles. You may also sign-up below for more information.

  • "Staci Boden has been a steadfast guide for me over the past decade. Her skillful and compassionate insights have influenced my path greatly. She is fierce when it is called for, and a deep listener who nurtures as she teaches. I would not be the woman I am today wthout her support and love."

    Tasha A.

  • "My husband and I found ourselves stuck in some patterns we were having trouble escaping. Working with Staci helped us identify the different ways in which we were effectively communicating and relating, and how we were not. She helped us gain greater understanding of our own energies and how we could create a both-and world."

    Tina S.

  • "Staci's presence in my life has been unyielding and profound. With her support, I have been able to navigate living with depression and anxiety, going through major life/work/relationship transitions, and learning to work with the unknown and the unknowable. Staci never ceases to be a source of nurturance, guidance, and deep, deep care."

    Lisa L.

  • "My beloved and I were fortunate to work with Staci over the course of 2+ years. Her skillful listening and pointed observations helped us to open to changes our relationship needed. The tools and practices along with having a place to talk it out together created a relationship container than holds us today. We would not have made it without her. Thank you, Staci for guiding and loving us."

    Teresa C.

  • "Staci does not lead you into deep places unattended."

    Catherine A.

  • "I started seeing Staci because I felt boxed in and trapped - literally. Staci helped me transform the box and get in touch with aspects of my life that had been long buried. She's provided the space and support to allow those aspects to thrive and flourish, which has helped me grow as a person. I no longer feel trapped and boxed in, my anxiety has diminished, and I've started writing again."

    Carey H.

  • "Staci holds a sacred space better than anyone I have ever experienced."

    Greta V.

  • "With Staci I've begun a journey into my own truth - one I've been afraid to take for this entire lifetime. But it feels as though she holds my hand and grants me space where I can come to trust my own instincts, intuition, and wisdom. When I'm overwhelmed I can rely on the tools I've found instead of various addictions. Sessions with Staci are the most worthwhile work I've ever done."

    Diana C.

  • "Staci Boden is a spiritual midwife, holding you in her arms as you deliver yourself from the pain of the past. I will give you this warning: Do not step into this process with Staci unless you are truly prepared to awaken that which has been sleeping, deep inside of you, for far too long."

    Gwen B.

  • "Staci was a clear, gentle and yet, ever present grounding force that helped me harness my own inner strength to leave an abusive relationship. From there, she's been a touchstone and guide for expanding into my own self-love and self-supportive capacity in its many permutations. I'm so grateful for the depths of Staci's innate wisdom and practical knowledge."

    Jadyn D.

  • "Staci's methods helped me see that healing power is not only real, it is within all of us. Sometimes what it takes is learning a few tools and a lot of support."

    Jay J.

  • "The unique earth-based wise-woman energy healing that Staci offers has allowed me to sit with and move through some of the most difficult transitions in my life with awareness and grace. Her sessions are just the right combination of talk (checking-in), energy work and assessment. I always feel seen, held, and lighter afterwards."

    Hannah E.

  • "Recently I was struck by the (rather frightening) realization that, without Staci, I may have lived the rest of my life having never experienced the profound insight, awareness and healing this deep sacred work offers. Staci is the real deal. Where other practices I've tried have been more saccharine, her teaching is sweet honey, straight from the bee."

    Jenny B.

  • "I trust Staci completely."

    Mel F.

  • "Staci's loving support and wise guidance helped me through a very challenging phase of my life. She not only helped me to make sense of a painful ending with a friend, she also helped me to 'make medicine' out of it. I feel deeply grateful for Staci's integrative approach, wisdom and loving care."

    Lindsay J.

  • "I am forever grateful to Staci and her beautiful book, which came into my life at a time when I was spinning in circles. Nothing compares to the loving container she upholds, the deep energy work and her mama bear presence. Thank you Staci for the ongoing space holding and guidance as I step into my heart work. Much love!"

    Sam L.

  • "I'm in Michigan, so Staci and I work via Skype but she may as well be sitting right next to me. If I'm visualizing sitting by the sea, she will, in that exact moment, mention the sea. If an animal friend or spirit guide shows up for me, Staci knows it immediately. She can detect the precise sensations in my body and intuit how to work that energy. It's uncanny. I may never understand how she does this, but I'm just so grateful for her deep, powerful work."

    Liz J.